They say that at a job interview, you should talk about what you know. Avoiding areas where your knowledge is sketchy. For me though, that’s difficult. When 60% of your brain space is taken up by film opinions, trivia and upcoming release dates, it’s hard to appear employable. The other 40% is ABBA lyrics, by the way.

Suicide Squad

Employers love a team player, right? Talking about Amanda Waller’s flawless plan to bring a group of street criminals together to fight Superman or something is sure to get you great points. It also demonstrates your commitment to the company. If you’re willing to sacrifice a member of your team with high-powered explosives for the sake of plot, what will you do to ensure optimum profits in the 3rd quarter? Just be sure to say, at the end in your best Will Smith, ‘so this it huh? we in some kinda employer-employee relationship?’.

Saw 1-8

It’s very important for a job interview to display your problem-solving skills. And what situation is higher stakes to show-off these skills than a life-or-death Jigsaw trap? Talking at length about the gory dismembering you’ve watched in these masterpieces demonstrates you’re capable of prioritising. For instance, you could lose your feet to save your arms. This projects confidence and shows your voice is one worth listening to.

The Emoji Movie

I never go into an interview without two things. A tie knotted into a full Windsor and a detailed plot synopsis of 2017’s emoticon epic. Bosses want to see you have a good grasp of current technology and constantly regurgitating words like ‘Dropbox’ and ‘Just Dance’ shows that you’re on the level. Your reluctance to simply be a ‘meh’ also demonstrates your independence and enthusiasm for hard work. Be sure to make a cheeky reference to the poop emoji on your saunter out the door. You want them to know you aren’t all work and no play.

The Human Centipede

An important aspect of employment is taking material from higher up and dutifully passing it on to those below you. Describing to your interviewer, in detail, how this Dutch classic taught you this important skill of delegation is sure to impress. Sometimes at work, you’ll need to be able to work in small groups with people when you’d rather not. And often you’ll have swallow stuff you don’t want to.

And there you have it. Follow these guidelines and you’ll walk out that interview room with a smile on your face and an offer in your pocket. Trust me.