Fifty Shades

In a move literally everyone saw coming, Fifty Shades Freed has been panned as the worst of the bunch in the raunchy series.

We wish we could even say it was raunchy. Most of the bits that are supposed to be tongue in cheek and sexy come off as uncomfortable and weird. It would appear most other outlets would agree. Rather fittingly, the critics have lined up to give the movie a right good thrashing.

Robbie Collin, in the Telegraph, called it ‘even ropier than the second one’. We aren’t sure if that’s a sign of how good the plot is or how much rope-play we see. According to Collin, the movie had ‘zero’ nuances, ‘drab’ subplots and a script that doesn’t ‘add-up’.

It’s a shame because Jamie Dornan isn’t that bad. You ever watch Once Upon a Time? The only good episodes have him in it.

This is hardly breaking news, given that the last two were disappointing messes. The entire premise of the books was that this illusive bloke likes weird sex stuff and she’s a naïve person who falls in love with him. Not exactly the representation women want or need like the latest suggestion from Doritos.

Fifty Shades of Grey made a solid $571m, with the second making $200m less. This one? Likely won’t make a dent in either of those numbers.

The Guardian called it ‘limp and predictable’, with Variety calling the *ahem*, climax a ‘thin, illogical abduction’.

To make things worse, Rita Ora and Liam Payne did the song for the movie. She also stars as Christian Grey’s sister. For some reason.

We get why the franchise has been up for a Razzy.

Are we done with this series now?

Please?