A week in mild amusement

Berk: A row

Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson (better known as Boris) caused a stir this week when he compared women wearing the burqa to ‘letterbox[es]’. Proving, once again, that no one in this country knows what a burqa is. A burqa has a full face covering. What Boris is referring to is a niqab. If Boris thinks a burqa looks like a letterbox, I hope to god all the Conservative voters use the postal vote next election.

The most bizarre part of this debacle was when Rowan Atkinson came out defending the joke because it was funny. I was shocked. It’s not often you seen Blackadder sticking up for Baldrick. Now look, I’m all for free speech in comedy etc etc etc. But are we really calling that a funny joke Rowan? It sounds like a Roy Chubby Brown ‘observation’ from 1972. And when A week in mild amusement is calling you unoriginal, you know you’ve got a problem. Atkinson also fails to recognise the difference between a joke from a comedian, and a remark by an elected representative. It’s not a good idea for him to legitimise casual racism in the same way it’s not a good idea for me to dictate policy for Uxbridge and South Ruislip. Mainly because I’d have it bulldozed for Heathrow’s third, fourth and fifth runways out of spite

In an excruciatingly calculated publicity stunt, Johnson was filmed bringing the journalists outside his house a tray full of tea. It was even complete with a mini-egg mug to show us plebs that he’s just like us. What could be more British? Causing outrage to people we currently oppress and celebrating with a cup of something we stole from people we formerly oppressed. Also, he got a woman wrongly sentenced to five years in an Iranian jail. What is he like.

Wreath for the stars

*Sigh*… for god’s sake Jeremy.

Jeremy Corbyn claimed that he was ‘present but not-involved’ in a wreath-laying ceremony for the perpetrators of the Munich Olympic Massacre. Which, coincidentally, is also how my girlfriend describes me during intimacy sessions. Now look, having just spent three paragraphs bashing Boris, I know I can come across a bit of a Corbynite which I’m not, particularly. But are we really trying to claim that the historically-recognised, pacifist, peace-campaigner is a terrorist sympathiser? While our current government sells weapons to Saudi Arabia- a state that’s very hands-on with Islamic extremism, and very hands-off with homeless people stealing fruit. That said, it’s a ridiculous excuse. It’s like saying telling a waiter you’re starving but not hungry. Or a UKIP member but not racist. Or a Corbyn supporter but not a student.

Taj ma hole

India’s patent office has rejected a plea from a Canadian company to patent a vibrator on the grounds that sex toys violate ‘public order and morality’. I must say I did miss that part of Gandhi’s teachings. Apparently, Indian law has ‘never engaged positively with the notion of sexual pleasure’. Which, I guess, means the police don’t have handcuffs either. At the very least, not fluffy ones. It must be boring to be a police officer in India if sexual pleasure is a no-no. Though if I’m ever convicted of a crime here it’s nice to know there’s a place where my record is spotless. What I’m perplexed by is the idea that sex toys violate ‘public order’. As far as I can tell it’s the least public thing anyone owns. I mean, Louis CK isn’t even Indian.

NO VAPES!

In a headline, I can honestly say I’ve been waiting for for the past few years, vaping might be more harmful than first thought. It’s suggested vape smoke disables immune cells in the lungs, a fact I can smugly recall every time some cretin excretes a cloud of blueberry scented fug into my face on the street. This said, the report still confirmed vaping carries a far lower risk than smoking cigarettes, despite being far more annoying. In the study, the researchers used a mechanical procedure to mimic vaping in a laboratory. So basically, they put a dirty headband on a robot and droned about their travels through Cambodia.

For last week’s news, follow the link here.