A week in mild amusement
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With daily gloom hanging over our heads and each morning bringing a new world-ending threat to our twittersphere, it can often be forgot that also this week, some news stories could be taken in a slightly risible manner. Here are my offerings of a few examples of such stories.
Scotch thrifty association
Legislation introducing a minimum price for alcohol in Scotland was approved by the UK supreme court, despite opposition from the Scotch Whisky Association– the Hebridean and ultimately less dramatically dangerous equivalent to the NRA. What does it say about our two nations that while the US’ politics is driven by guns, ours is with a swift wee dram. The new law allows Scotland to raise the price per unit of alcohol to such a degree that a can of special brew doesn’t constitute a cheaper alternative to turning the radiator on. Concerns are now being raised about whether this will lead to border-crossing Berwick/Carlisle booze cruises to escape the stifling extra 40p on your lambrini. I’d propose building a wall if we hadn’t already tried that. Turns out Hadrian had the right of it after all.
The MC1R Jeans
A hearteningly well-meaning woman from Staffordshire has designed a children’s clothing range celebrating the gene responsible for ginger hair. As a member of those afflicte- er I mean blessed with carrot-top colourings I feel a duty to state that the only clothing that truly empowers redheads is that which is thick, full body and with an SPF rating of 400. Incidentally, has anyone ever pointed out to playground bullies that the top of a carrot is green?
Garlic breadwinner
Peter Kay, the man diplomatically titled ‘one of Bolton’s funniest comedians’ opened bookings for his new tour starting next year. Thousands of fans flooded every site unfortunate enough to have the word ‘ticket’ in its domain name to try and grab some of the fast-selling, highly priced seats. Quite apart from buying his Mum a bungalow, it’s now entirely plausible that the northern funnyman could buy her Buckingham palace, kicking Queenie out onto the kerb and telling her to find a comedy club and start working on her tight five.