A week in mild amusement

16th January 2019

Collider Scope Cern is planning to build an even bigger version of the Large Hadron Collider. I remember when the last one was turned on and many feared it would produce a black hole that would destroy the world. I imagine it’ll be identical when they turn the new one on with the exception of […]

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Cartoon of a man sat pushing over dominoes in a circle that leads back to fall on him.

Karma Ain’t No B*tch

15th January 2019

The concept of karma originates from India and the Far East, mainly in Buddhism and Hinduism; it suggests that our current actions have an impact on the future. We’ve all heard the Culture Club classic ‘Karma Chameleon’, but what does it all mean? Is it really a bitch? Everyone, remain karma Fundamentalists of karma believe that our […]

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Why Would Anyone Visit Gateshead?

14th January 2019

A tourist arrives at an airport in the south of England. When questioned by immigration officials, she told them she wanted to spend the week in Gateshead. Officials quickly concluded that such a prospect would be so ghastly that it must be a fabrication; so they were denied entry into the country. J.B Priestley once […]

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Can Young People Afford Housing?

10th January 2019

Towards the end of the 20th century, home ownership in the United Kingdom reached record levels. Margaret Thatcher spent eleven years trying to build a property-owning democracy. One of her successors, David Cameron described ownership as the ‘Conservative Dream’. Today, what was once deemed as a fair reward for aspiration is becoming increasingly unachievable – […]

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Hyundai unveil ‘Walking Car’

8th January 2019

On January 8th, 2019, a new project released from the company ‘Hyundai’, of foretells of a car able to configure itself to form a quad of legs from underneath allowing it to walk autonomously. The company released a video to show the performance of its current prototype, which surprisingly displays a decent speed of 3mph […]

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The Great Barrier Reef: a bright underwater scene featuring underwater plants and brightly coloured fish.

Coral Reefs: Poachers in the Ocean?

7th January 2019

Coral Reefs are, without a doubt, one of nature’s most fascinating places. Accounting for less than 0.1% of the ocean, they are not only breathtakingly beautiful but incredibly rare (and becoming rarer). The rainforests of the sea, as they are often referred to, are incredibly delicate ecosystems and subject to immense damage from humans. More […]

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Stephen Hawking (top-left), orangutang on Christmas tree (top-right) and Robbie Rotten from Lazytown (bottom)

Goodbye 2018: What and Who?

30th December 2018

What with Brexit ruffling feathers all over Europe, Trump upsetting the world in general, and the year of prevailing political correctness, 2018 has been a turbulent one. The turn of the year is a time of mixed emotions. We feel sadness for lives lost, relief at having left things behind and live in hope for change […]

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Queen Elizabeth of England sits smiling and laughing at a figure behind the cover sitting in beautiful, lavish surroundings

Twas a week in mild amusement

29th December 2018

Twas the Night before Christmas and all through the land Not a person was voting, as Theresa had planned. The public was off. They were all flying home, Unless airport security couldn’t locate a drone. The children were nestled all snug in their beds; While Dominic Raab quietly sold off their meds. And Melania in her […]

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Top left Ava Max, bottom left Spice Girls in Santa Claus outfits, right Ariana Grande on thank u, next cover

Christmas No. 1: Then and Now

18th December 2018

Who will be in the running? An X-Factor hopeful, a tired old queen with a classic, or the newest queen on the block? With a history spanning 65 years, the UK’s Christmas No.1 is an annual institution, and the race is on to see who will secure the coveted spot. Likely Contenders Ariana Grande has […]

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Character appears with an 'O' as a target on his face

TV Review: Ozark

12th December 2018

It’s been [unjustly] hailed as a ‘dark drama that wants to be Breaking Bad’ that isn’t ‘quite up to par‘. I am talking about the Netflix Original series everyone should be talking about: Ozark. The series follows Marty Byrde as he attempts to launder money for Mexico’s second-largest drug cartel. As you might expect, this […]

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Child sits in Christmas present box while crying with speech bubble containing ban lynx sign

No More Lynx Sets

11th December 2018

There must be at least one person out there who agrees. It’s Christmas day. You delve halfway into a pile of presents – significantly smaller in size than last year – and you find yourself opening…please, no! It’s a Lynx set, again! To make matters worse, it’s either the abhorrent ‘Dark Temptation’ or every pubescent schoolboy’s […]

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A tweak in mild amusement

10th December 2018

I dunno about you, I feel like I’ve been away a long time. I was beginning to feel a semblance of happiness before I committed to staring down this week’s ‘amusing’ news. But with my mental wellbeing returned to a satisfactorily trudging internal scowl, let’s dive in. Serkis act If Theresa May just released a […]

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Bronjour: Protests in France

10th December 2018

96 days down, 12 more to go… not that I’ve been counting or anything. To break up the last few weeks, I’ve been trying to squeeze in as much travelling as possible. Montpellier isn’t far from several famous towns and cities and getting from A to B is fairly straightforward in France. At least, it […]

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A week in mild amusement

27th November 2018

Missionary position Now, you know me. I’m not a man who likes to laugh at the misfortune of others. I swear I’m not, or my name isn’t Kieran Schadenfreude Macfadzean. But when someone gets themselves killed in such a hilariously avoidable fashion for a similarly laughable reason, I allow myself a chuckle. This was the […]

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Gazza charged with sexual assault

19th November 2018

Former footballer and north east icon Paul Gascoigne has been charged with sexual assault after an incident occured on a train from York to Durham in August. Gascoigne was arrested at Durham station following the incident and he will now appear at Newton Aycliffe Magistrates’ Court on 11th December to face the charge against him. […]

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Draft Brexit deal: All you need to know

15th November 2018

It has been over eight hundred days since the UK voted to leave the European Union. Late yesterday evening, it was announced by Prime Minister Theresa May that the cabinet had finally agreed on a draft Brexit deal ahead of this country’s withdrawal from the Union in March next year. With over 500 pages of […]

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Review: They Shall Not Grow Old

15th November 2018

Peter Jackson’s ‘They Shall Not Grow Old’ makes for stirring television. It was public broadcasting at it’s finest designed to showcase the harrowing experiences of nearly six million Brits in a more intimate manner than ever before. Jackson’s film – four years in the making – was by no means a history of the first […]

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A leak in mild amusement

13th November 2018

Long may he rain It’s a new week and its AWIMA. You know what that means. Time to type Trump’s name into Google and see what he’s done this time. The US president has refused to attend a WW1 memorial service amidst poor weather conditions. The weather was described as ‘near-zero visibility’ so Donald opted […]

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Pacer Trains to Disappear

7th November 2018

If you live in the north of England you’ll no doubt be familiar with the much maligned, nodding donkey ‘Pacer’ trains. With the introduction of new rolling stock across the Northern Rail network, they are due to be phased out between the end of this year and the beginning of 2020. A saving grace for […]

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The Budget isn’t just for the Rich

3rd November 2018

Philip Hammond (a.k.a ‘Spreadsheet Phil’) has stood proudly with his red briefcase to deliver his annual budget across the dispatch box. Hammond had been facing political pressure from number 10 prior to his speech after the Prime Minister proudly announced ‘the end of austerity’ at the Conservative Party Conference. What can we take from this […]

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British singer Dua Lipa meets Blackpink, South Korean band

New Music: K-Pop Collabs

3rd November 2018

Not sure whether you’ve heard, but K-pop is becoming a worldwide phenomenon, with the likes of BTS making appearances on shows such as Ellen Degeneres, and collaborating with Nicki Minaj. However, this appears to be just the beginning, and we have a 2-for-1 deal for you right here. First up we have BLACKPINK or BLΛƆKPIИK, an emerging South […]

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A week in mild amusement

30th October 2018

Mail Aggression So some lunatic’s been sending pipe bombs through the US post. Cesar Sayoc is accused of mailing explosives to prominent Democrats and Trump critics. Honestly, I’m quite offended I didn’t get one. But then, I have switched address quite a lot recently. If there’s a smoking crater in Sandyford in the near future, […]

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Exploding Toilets

25th October 2018

Exploding toilets? Who would have thought? But more than 1.4 million toilet flushing systems are being recalled following reports of toilets blowing upin the US and Canada, according to US safety officials. As well as causing $710,000 worth of damage to property, these incidents have caused injury to 23 people- one of which required foot […]

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Burger King Create a Nightmare Inducing Burger

24th October 2018

Fast food chain Burger King claims to have created a burger for Halloween which will increase your chance of having a bad dream. The ‘Nightmare King’ burger consists of a beef patty, a chicken fillet, cheese, bacon, onions and mayonnaise all inside a green bun. Now we know what you’re thinking: a burger that gives you […]

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Almost 700,000 at People’s Vote march

20th October 2018

Almost 700,000 people marched through Westminster on Saturday in the name of a ‘People’s Vote’ on Brexit. The demonstration was the largest in the country since the anti-Iraq war protest in 2003. Protestors, who came from all around the country, were demanding a second referendum on whether or not Britain stays in the European Union. […]

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A week in mild amusement

16th October 2018

Let’s get down from business X-Factor contestants who were filmed excitedly enjoying business class were sent back to economy once filming stopped. I don’t see why people are annoyed by this. The short taste of opulence followed by a hard push back to poverty is great practice for the eventual winner. The only way they […]

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Overweight Tourists Banned From Riding Donkeys

15th October 2018

Animal rights activists in Santorini have gained a small victory for donkey welfare as the Greek government passed legislation which protects working donkeys from being overburdened. The island’s capital, Fira is 400m above sea level, and tourists who don’t fancy the long walk to the top have the option to make a donkey do the […]

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Just What does it mean – Rubicon Moment?

12th October 2018

“Rubicon moment” is a strange name for a column and without explanation, it won’t mean much to readers. I feel that the significance of the topics covered in the column will be understated if the naming of the column is not properly understood. Historically the Rubicon was a river that separated Italy from the northern […]

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Do we have a problem with hate crime?

12th October 2018

Does the North East of England have a problem with hate crime? If so, why? The North East has one of the lowest levels of immigration in the UK. The Non-UK born population in Northumberland is just 2% and 4% in County Durham yet Northumbria Police has reported a staggering 69% increase in recorded hate […]

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A week in mild amusement

5th October 2018

Mamma Mia, here we go again Theresa May danced onto the stage to give her speech at the Conservative Party Conference. She came out wriggling to ABBA’s Dancing Queen and even warmed up the crowd with a few jokes. In reference to her embarrassing speech last year, she quipped that if she coughed, it would be because […]

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UK’s first child trauma school planned

2nd October 2018

Children who have suffered trauma early in life and are being let down by mainstream education are to be helped by short-stay schools. A new plan for the Your Place Academy in Norwich intends to help change the lives of children who have suffered all too much in their short lives. Ranging from domestic violence […]

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384 killed in Indonesia tsunami

29th September 2018

As far as natural disasters go, the Indonesian city of Palu has had a pretty horrific ordeal. Following an earthquake on Friday, a tsunami was triggered – and it has destroyed a huge chunk of the whole city. The earthquake was registered as 7.5 magnitude and swept through the city, wiping out homes, shops and […]

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A week in mild amusement

28th September 2018

Virgin Fail We begin this week with US Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh. He has claimed that the sexual assault allegations against him cannot be true because he was a virgin in high school. Now these two things, obviously, are completely unrelated. This, of course, caused every satirist and left-leaning Twitter user to engage in […]

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Square named after Jo Cox MP

28th September 2018

Two years after the murder of MP Jo Cox by a neo-Nazi terrorist, a square in Brussels has been named after her. Mrs Cox, who lived in Brussels for six years before representing Batley and Spen in the House of Commons, was named on a list of ‘illustrious women’ who are having squares, streets and […]

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Essay Mills – What Are They All About?

27th September 2018

According to the Guardian Newspaper, cheating at British Universities has risen by 40% in the last three years and professional essay writing services (or ‘essay mills’) are behind the rise. Why do an ever-increasing number of students feel the need to cheat their way through a degree? Is it because they’re simply lazy and irresponsible; […]

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Theresa May gives defiant Brexit statement

21st September 2018

Prime Minister Theresa May has given a statement on the Brexit negotiations inside Number 10 this afternoon in which she gave a strong message to the EU. The statement follows talks with the EU yesterday in Salzburg which seemingly fell apart after they rejected her Chequers proposal. In Chequers, the blueprint given by the PM […]

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A week in wild bemusement

20th September 2018

Toad in the hole Let’s talk about Stormy Daniels. Now, I could spend this whole section droning on about the lewd descriptions she gave this week about Donald Trump’s genitals… so I’m going to. Apologies for the imagery some of this may bestow in your mind. Frequently repeated is her depiction of Donnie’s penis as […]

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Premier League Roundup – Week Five

16th September 2018

International breaks often come at unwelcome times, just as the season was beginning to take shape and teams were starting to show their potential (or lack of) for the season ahead. Week 5 has left Manuel Pellegrini as the most relieved man in sports as West Ham ended their abominable run with a 3-1 victory […]

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BEEP REWIND: Roald Dahl’s Top Five Characters

14th September 2018

As September marks the birth month of one of children’s literature’s most influential authors, thousands of parents and their sons and daughters will be celebrating Roald Dahl Day. Each year, Dahl’s birthday is celebrated with a ‘wonderful array of events’ according to the official website, including a party at the Roald Dahl Museum in Great […]

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Sajid Javid rejects aborition buffer zones

13th September 2018

In a surprise move today the Home Secretary has announced that he will not be introducing protest buffer zones outside of abortion clinics. It was widely accepted that said zones, which would prevent pro-life campaigners from protesting within 100 metres of clinics, would be introduced by the government after former home secretary Amber Rudd had […]

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Skripal suspects: “We were just tourists”

13th September 2018

Following a week of speculation and accusation surrounding the two main suspects in the poisoning of the Skripals in Salisbury, the pair has come forward in an attempt to clear their name. Speaking to Russian state-backed TV channel Russia Today (RT), Alexander Petrov and Ruslan Boshirov said they visited the town of Salisbury as tourists […]

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A week in mild amusement

12th September 2018

Entering the single market So Boris Johnson’s getting a divorce. He and his wife are separating after 25 years. While she can no longer live in his house, he does expect her to cook, clean and allow low tariff imports for no benefit. Drawing comparisons with Johnson’s own separation and Brexit is obviously fun but not […]

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Tweets by Russian trolls cited in UK news articles

10th September 2018

A Guardian investigation has found that the tweets of Russian troll accounts have been cited in over one hundred UK news articles. The tweets were included in stories about US president Donald Trump, Donald Glover and Lena Dunham by the British press. The investigation used the details of 1,000 accounts listed as Russian trolls by […]

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Salisbury suspects warned by UK

9th September 2018

Following the revelation last week that two suspects involved in the Salisbury spy poisoning incident have been identified, the Home Secretary has warned they will be prosecuted if they ever step foot outside of Russia. Speaking on Sunday on The Andrew Marr Show, Sajid Javid said that “if they [the suspects] ever step foot out […]

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A week in mild amusement

6th September 2018

Olympic Games The President of the International Olympic Committee says esports are too violent to be part of the Olympics. Thomas Bach, who won an Olympic gold in fencing, says the games promote violence. Unlike fencing, of course. Real life sword-fighting is far less violent than pressing X to delete CGI robots on a screen. […]

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Moves to make misogyny a hate crime

5th September 2018

In the wake of the ‘Me Too’ movement and wider public debates surrounding sexual assault, tampon taxes, period poverty and many issues affecting women all around the world, Labour MP Stella Creasy is attempting to make misogyny a hate crime in England. Misogyny, the hatred and prejudice against women, is often believed to be the […]

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How to Pass Your Driving Test – First Time

4th September 2018

How to Pass Your Driving Test – First Time Don’t let other people make you nervous; Leading up to my driving test I heard all manner of complaints from friends who had recently failed their practical test. ‘It was the sat-navs fault’, ‘my examiner had failed me even before we set off’. Contrary to popular […]

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Alex Salmond Resigns From the SNP

1st September 2018

Alex Salmond, former Scottish First Minister and one of the principal advocates of Scottish Independence, has resigned from the Scottish National Party after 45 years. Salmond, who led the SNP for 20 years, has said his resignation is a temporary measure whilst he attempts to distance himself from sexual misconduct allegations which emerged last week. […]

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Plastic Bag Charge to Double

27th August 2018

If you thought 5p for something that was completely free three years ago was a bit steep, you’re not going to be thrilled about the latest announcement. Environment Secretary Michael Gove has approved plans which will force nearly all retailers to charge 10p for plastic carrier bags. Currently, ‘small’ shops with less than 250 employees […]

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A week in mild amusement

22nd August 2018

Level up It was A-level results day for students all across the country this week. The length and breadth of Britain, there were some teens taking to Twitter to express their joy, and others taking to vodka to express their disappointment… and also their joy. For those directly involved it can seem like the most […]

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