No More Lynx Sets

Child sits in Christmas present box while crying with speech bubble containing ban lynx sign

There must be at least one person out there who agrees. It’s Christmas day. You delve halfway into a pile of presents – significantly smaller in size than last year – and you find yourself opening…please, no! It’s a Lynx set, again! To make matters worse, it’s either the abhorrent ‘Dark Temptation’ or every pubescent schoolboy’s changing room favourite, ‘Africa’. Is there anyone else out there that feels the same pain?

What are you trying to say?

This isn’t to sound ungrateful, as I appreciate small sentiments a lot more than expensive presents. This particular present, however, has to be one of the most thoughtless, knock-off gifts to receive.  Seriously, we all know you bought it while waiting in the Superdrug queue, thinking “oh, that reminds me, I haven’t got anything for whatshisface?” It would be much better for all parties involved if you took your lynx set and shoved it where the sun doesn’t shine. I mean back to the bare, dusty shelf you got it from, of course! In my ripe old age, gifts aren’t all that important anyway; I genuinely appreciate the good times spent with loved ones more.

The worst thing about getting smellies for Christmas is the obligatory “what are you implying?” or “eee, what are you trying to say?” remarks. This friendly bit of banter suggests said relative is insinuating that you have a B.O. problem, to which they are subtly hinting you wear deodorant. Well, I’ve got news for you; deodorant only masks the smell, it’s antiperspirant you were looking for.

The Alternative

This wasn’t intended as a rant about how much I hate Christmas and consumer culture! It is therefore only right to suggest an alternative. The answer is directly under your noses my friends, but only as you sip away on a gin or vodka tonic. For the last month, much to the amusement of family and friends, I have been applying lemon juice to my underarms. Granted, it takes a little getting used to, but it really works, and in my opinion, keeps you fresher for longer. Four or five drops on each underarm and you’re all-set, without harming the environment half as much as using regular products. Suffice to say, it’s unlikely I’ll ever buy deodorant again.

If this didn’t manage to get you in the Christmas spirit, here’s something that will. If that doesn’t cut it, this compilation of disappointed children should do the trick. Little brats 🙂