Today, I Discovered Life Isn’t Fair

Today, I was informed that “life isn’t fair” by a senior member of a local institution whose responsibilities are supposed to include ensuring inclusion and equal opportunities for young people.

“Wow!” I thought when this amazing new revelation was sprung upon me, “Life really isn’t fair at all! What a great reason to do unfair things.”

On my way home from my meeting, I stopped at a local Oxfam charity shop and approached the shop owner.

“Excuse me, Miss? Did you know that life isn’t fair? I recommend you inform the third world of this immediately and let them know that you won’t be selling second-hand goods in order to raise money for people in under-developed countries anymore.”

The woman looked up at the ceiling, deep in thought for a few seconds. As she bent her head to look back at me again, I saw her eyes beginning to glint with the feeling of hope and new ideas.

“You know what.. You’re right. I’ll contact every impoverished country now and let them know that in a fair world, they wouldn’t have to drink dirty water and risk getting typhoid and cholera but unfortunately for them, life isn’t fair. I’m so glad you stopped by!”

After leaving the charity shop with a great and somewhat overwhelming sense of benevolence, I noticed a man standing shaking a bucket collecting for Cancer Research. I knew just what he needed to be told.

“Good morning, sir. Life isn’t fair- some people have cancer and others don’t. Why bother spending all your time out here in the cold collecting money for cancer patients and their families?”

A look of euphoria came at once over his face.

“I never thought of it like that… Yes! You’re right! Life isn’t fair so that means we shouldn’t do anything to ease and potentially cure the suffering of ill people. In a perfect world, no one would be ill but sadly we don’t live in a perfect world.”

He threw the bucket up in the air and danced under the pennies as they fell down to the ground.

I was starting to feel pretty good about myself at this point. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw an old man approaching a homeless man sitting in a doorway. The man was armed with what looked like a Greggs pasty and I knew I had to act. I darted over to the man and just as he went to hand the homeless man the pasty, I batted it out of his hands.

“Sorry for the abruptness, my good men. I have just been informed that life isn’t fair after all so you shouldn’t be spending your time and money trying to ensure that the homeless don’t die of starvation.”

The old man pondered my words for a moment then nodded wisely to me.

“I suppose you’re right” he said, before wandering away muttering to himself about how he wasted 79 years of his life buying food for the homeless every week.

I looked at the homeless man and could tell from his face that he agreed.

“Life isn’t fair- you’re right. All these years relying on the kindness of strangers and it’s taken until today for me to realise. Gosh, do I feel silly.”

After the wailing sirens caught my attention, I turned to see a fire engine tearing down the road.

“Hm, they’re probably on their way to a burning house. Best let them know that life isn’t fair.”

So running like I have never run before, I chased the engine down the road and flagged them down, waving my hands like a lunatic.

“EXCUSE ME!” I called to the firefighters, still running along the street, “Did you all know that life isn’t fair?”

With a loud rubbery screech, the engine thudded to a halt.

“What did you say?” Called the driver, peering around the side of the vehicle.

“Life isn’t fair- if you’re going to die in a fire, that’s no one else’s problem,” I told him, already knowing what his response would be.

He seemed to consult his fellow firefighters for a moment before he leaned back out of the window and said: “I always had a feeling that was the case. If things were fair, we’d all live in fireproof houses with safe electrical products but now I know that things aren’t fair and we can’t all expect basic safety and rescue services. Thanks!”

I waved the truck off then started to walk home. As I crossed over the footbridge above the motorway, I saw a young-ish man sitting on the edge of the railings.

“Sorry, but don’t you think it’s a bit dangerous to be up here?” I asked, looking down at the road below.

“I don’t care! I’m going to jump! My wife walked out of our home last year and took both our kids with her. She is refusing to let me see them and I don’t even know if she still lives in the area. Not only that, my business partner had been stealing from the till and now I’ve had to declare bankruptcy as there is no more cash in the business. My house and car have been repossessed and all of the organisations I’ve spoken to are refusing to help me. I have no money, no job, no family and no home and no one will help me.”

His feelings must have been a little too much for him as he launched himself off the railings and landed with a crunch on the road before being instantly run over by a car.

“You know,” I said, looking mournfully at his various dismembered limbs, “Life isn’t fair.”

***Editors Note, this was written for posting on Friday, but due to issues beyond our control we could only post today.