By now, you’ve either started university or are just about to in a week or so. It doesn’t matter which uni you go to; you’ll meet exactly the same type of people at Oxford or Durham as you will at Aberystwyth or Sunderland. Here are the worst/weirdest types of people you’ll meet within your first few weeks at university:

The God Botherer- The God Botherer is not to be confused with any old religious person- there are some very key differences between a bog standard Christian/Muslim/Hindu etc and the Uni God-Botherer. The God Botherer is usually a nice enough person but they will manage to bring God into every conversation and be constantly trying to recruit you to the Jesus Society despite you telling them on multiple occasions that you’re not interested.

The Hermit- Usually the recipient of the top grade on every single assignment, this person did not come to uni to party or socialise- actually, they didn’t come to uni to talk to anybody at all. The Hermit owns way more subject textbooks than even the lecturer and you’ve seen them outside of lecture halls approximately once. If one of your flatmates is a hermit, they probably won’t emerge from their room to make themselves meals until the early hours of the morning.

The Nostalgic- No one really misses being at school except this person who is never seen without their Year 11 leavers hoodie. The Nostalgic was probably really popular at school and can’t accept that they’ve lost their high school social status that took them years to create. Every weekend, they’re off to visit their old school friends at various universities across the country and they’re probably the only person to cause drama at uni.

The Druggie- Legal highs, Nos crackers and Ecstasy- this person pops pills as if they’re M&Ms. The Druggie smokes so much cannabis that it becomes their natural scent. If you live with the Druggie, you’ll probably get phone calls at 3 am every morning to come and let them back into the flat because they’ve traded their key for a bag of weed.

The Glamorous Foreigner- International students take their studies and general uni life a lot more seriously than UK born students and some of these students turn up too early morning lectures looking as though they’re en route to a photo shoot. The Glamorous Foreigner will sit in the lecture hall with a huge fur coat, 6-inch stiletto heels and Victoria Beckham style sunglasses no matter the time of day or year.

The Mature Student- Even if they’re only a few years older than the average fresher, the Mature Student will think and behave as though they’re way superior to you young and foolish teenagers. They won’t be seen dead fraternising with anyone under the age of 22 and spend ages asking the lecturer all sorts of irrelevant questions at the end of every lecture.

The Starving Banker’s Child- This person will be the child of two city bankers who haven’t yet accepted that their child gets the minimum student loan because they have the personal funds to be able to fund them through uni. Once the Starving Banker’s Child has paid for their rent and textbooks, they’ll have about £20 left in their bank that they’ll have to make last for the entire semester. This means they’ll be eating stock cubes for breakfast, lunch and dinner and will never have the money to come out.

The Lone Tory- Most students are card-carrying Labour Party members but that’s not to say that there won’t be anyone right wing at uni. Usually, the Lone Tory begins to squirm uncomfortably as soon as politics is brought up even though they’re probably an expert on world politics. The Lone Tory lives in constant fear of the hardcore Corbynites finding out who they voted for in the election and probably share Jacob Rees-Mogg memes on Facebook.

The Invisible Student- Their name is on the class register and you’ve seen them in the pub a few times but the Invisible Student has never been to a single lecture. You begin to wonder why they even bothered coming to university. While everyone else is in class, they’re probably doing this: