With what is said to be the most romantic day in the calendar year fast approaching, there are those of us out there who really do not look forward to seeing couples hand in hand, drooling at each other like rabid dogs and basically facing nothing but hearts and flowers since we took down the Xmas trees.
So in true beep style here is a list of things to survive the 14th of February, written with a dash of sarcasm and a huge side of wit to bring a smile to the face of many a non-Valentine loving guy or gal.
1. Ice cream
Purchase ice cream… and lots of it! If your crush can’t make you feel special on the most romantic day of the year, then grab your coat because you’ve got a date with Ben and Jerry!
Fill the bath, light some candles and drift off into paradise. No romantic meal or sloppy cinema outing can make you feel more at ease than a tub with hot water, bath bombs and lavender scented gels… even if you did have to pay for them yourself.
3. Fondue party
Who needs someone to feed you one piece of chocolate at a time when you can throw the lot into your mouth without feeling guilty? Get the strawberries and marshmallows at the ready as you are going on a date… with yourself, and who is better than you right?
So what if all your friends are on dates. Put the heating on, throw on your onesie and kick back with a facemask. When everyone is waking up the next day with last night’s make-up on, you’re refreshed and ready for the world. Who’s winning now?
Don’t let one tear fall from your eyes this Valentine’s Day because you’ve got a date with a comedy box set. Whether it’s Only Fools and Horses or Friends, you can laugh away your Valentine blues.
6. It’s not all doom and gloom
Just because your friends are on dates doesn’t mean they are having fun, they’re probably quarrelling with their significant other over what movie to watch or arguing with their ‘bae’ over who should pay for the taxi fare home. Yet you’re happy because there was a two for one offer on kinder eggs. Chocolate and a toy rolled into one? Incredible.
7. Money, money, money
Look at all that pathetic memorabilia you don’t have to buy! Pay for a cinema trip? No need because you have Netflix at home. Why pay for a meal for two when you can buy one and get extra pudding? No expensive gifts, no extortionate greeting cards, no shambolic-priced meals, no worries. Single people are quids in!
Fair enough, you’re no Nigella Lawson, but baking sweet treats will definitely take your mind off the ‘V’ word. Plus, you can indulge yourself once you’ve baked it… if you haven’t burnt it that is.
9. Be Disgusting
Whilst those in a relationship have had to wax, squeeze into clothes that are a little too tight, and pretend they don’t have any bodily functions, you can spend the evening in front of the TV, eating Nutella straight from the jar and burping until your heart is content.
10. Don’t change a thing
The dreaded Valentine’s Day is on a Saturday this year; so do what you normally do on a Saturday and forget everyone else. But make sure to stay clear of watching The Notebook, you want to have a good time not suffer from depression. So whatever you’re doing this Valentine’s Day, be happy!