12 Lists of Christmas: Things to Say Goodbye To

19 December 2013

By James

It’s been a year, 2013 has. We’ve seen deaths, births, happy and sad moments, and Miley Cyrus miraculously transform from sweet little teen idol to promiscuous diva. And, of course, B**p started. But we’ve had our fair share of useless, irritating and completely dumbfounding events and things that we couldn’t be happier to see the back of. In fact, we had a little trouble narrowing the list down to ten entries.

So here it is: b**p’s Top Ten Things We Want to Say Goodbye to.



1: Taylor Swift

Fun fact: twelve of Miss Swift’s songs are considered to have been written for her many ex-boyfriends. Forgive me, but doesn’t that seem a little like Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction, boiling her ex-lover’s pet rabbit? Fair enough, she’s not over-sexualised like so many of her peers, but she never stops talking about her exes. There’s a point where it just gets boring.


2: X-Factor

I could understand people watching the previous series, but it’s really gone downhill of late. It’s all just the same boring young people who have some heart-melting motive or another. The only thing that’s going to give it a new lease of life is the return of the scathing Simon Cowell.


3: Parodies of Videos

Okay, some of these are actually entertaining. But what is the real entertainment value of men in platinum-blonde wigs using the most appalling word-play? For the vast majority of them, the only funny thing is how bad they are.



4: Psy

This was quite a popular choice. Let’s be honest: we’d all like to see the back of his inane songs and irritatingly repetitive dances, not to mention the overwhelmingly odd music videos. I’d love to know what Gangnam Style actually means.



5: Text-Talk

It’s an old chestnut, but I can’t stand it. I can just about bear the use of Text-Talk in texting, but it was the crossover into ordinary conversation that astounded me. For all I know, half of the messages I receive on Facebook could be in Czech.


6: Hashtags

Another crossed-over social media term, now used to highlight practically any noun – no, any word – that is noteworthy in conversation. #Why?

7: Twerking

I didn’t know what this was. I had to look it up, and I can now understand perfectly why it’s on this list. To be fair, Miley Cyrus didn’t invent this, but it doesn’t change anything. It’s still awful.


8: Onesies

These suit some people, but not many. Every so often, I see people wearing these while out for a walk or some other definitively outdoor activity. Who told these poor misguided people that a onesie was able to protect you from the elements. Just so you all know: they’re for sitting around the house in, not for hiking up Scafell Pike.


9: Blurred Lines

This is the one case in which parodies can be defended: the parodies are better than the song itself. With it, Robin Thicke has re-invented himself from someone with some genuine character into another ‘wannabe-Timberlake’, as one of the many parodies puts it. And I can’t even begin to describe the music video.


10: Youtubers

We’ve all heard the names: these people, who have nothing better to do all day than sit and talk into webcams, have finally achieved their fifteen minutes of fame (or ‘shame’, depending on the videos). Once again, I can’t understand the entertainment value. The vast majority of them are the same: deliberately camp young men who make up the most ludicrous fabrications wearing different wigs. In the coming years, who do they think will remember them?



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