We are well known for our humor and dialect and we are a tough nut to crack when it comes to taking criticism, but there are some things that we need to set the record straight on:
1. Horse Play
“Lock up your horses”, Alreet, I think we’ve heard enough. Us Geordies are pros when it comes to handing out quality banter but just because wor Barry punched wor Bud (the horse) doesn’t mean we should all be summoned to poor witticism.
We die a little inside as a bad mannered cockney spits out his steak bake from Greggs because it isn’t any old pasty, it’s baked with love and affection by Annette in the Central Station Greggs Bakery. We just sit back and imagine hoying that delicious steak bake doon his vile, tasteless, scrawny neck.
3. “Gazza is an alcoholic”
Hold on a minute sunshine, we’ll have you know that Paul Gascoigne is described as “the most naturally gifted English midfielder of his generation” by the National Football Museum. Just because he offered to take Raoul Moat fishing and has a drink doesn’t make him any less of a legend, we all have our demons, love!
4. Geordie Shore
“We have come to Newcastle for the weekend because we’ve watched Geordie Shore!” Calm doon Allan you couldn’t even pull a door no matter a Geordie girl, just because the Geordie Shore girls hand themselves out like free Nando samples doesn’t mean we all swing that way. As swearing, sexual references and fighting takes place on a Tuesday night on MTV, us Geordies have a lump in our throats as the rest of the world get to witness what they think we get up too. It seems a million years ago since Byker Grove was the sole cultural representation of Tyneside, Oh how times have changed.
5. The Bigg Market
All Geordies can relate when we say “People who can’t talk to you with basic manners belong in the Bigg Market”. Aye, it’s a chav-infested, sick-stained, kebab-littered, urine-fragranced hell hole but it’s our hell hole and when we hear a non-Geordie grief the place we feel as offended as a Mackem given a Newcastle scarf.