A week in mild amusement

12 February 2019

By Kieran

This week I’ve set myself the challenge of doing AWIMA without mentioning the BLT words. In this context, clearly, B is for Brexit. T is for Trump. And L could honestly stand for anything but this week lets say it’s for Liam Neeson. God knows I’m not touching that burning skip of hot takes.

Please have Mersey your highness

The Prince of Wales and the Duchess of Cornwall visited Liverpool and Camilla decided to pose for this photo which simulates what she’d look like if she stepped out of line with royal protocol.

A picture of stealth

Up-skirting was made officially into a criminal offence, which is unfortunate for anyone who is heading to a wedding where a drunken Scotsman is present. Now technically, everyone who he proudly exposes himself to should strictly go on the register. This means that the sex offenders register will soon be as crowded as that of a primary school for catholic rabbits.

Cartel me a story

The drug lord El Chapo was found guilty, and not just of looking like a fat Josh Brolin. Also a lot of drugs. Maybe shouldn’t have put Drug lord in his CV, that’s what probably tipped suspicions. He’s been called the most dangerous drug supplier to the US, just behind the ones that stock their hospitals. Honestly, El Chapo sounds like a pretty scary Mexican, which would be a point in favour of the wall if the US hadn’t already flown him into New York.

Shoot for the croon

An Ethiopian singer died after being hit by a bullet that was fired to celebrate the opening of a hotel; a sentence that sounds like an extremely cryptic crossword clue, or an intensely difficult round of charades. Apparently, firing weapons is a popular tradition during celebration and mourning. Maybe it’s just me but shooting when mourning is a bit like bemoaning your weight over a sandwich filled with lard. The hotel that in question has explained the misunderstanding as “simply an extension of Premier Inn’s good night’s sleep guarantee”.

The most effectual pot cat

A person in Texas went into an abandoned house to smoke cannabis and found a live tiger in a cage. When the police arrived they naturally arrested the drug user and put them behind the first bars they saw. Their funeral is on Sunday. When the smoker initially alerted the authorities, they assumed he was lion. He previously had had lynx with criminal activity. It must have bengal-ling to find out they were wrong. I’m not even sorry.

For more of similar rundowns (usually without my new BLT rule) click on the upcoming hyperlink.

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