A week in mild amusement
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After the brake
A car has smashed into a Worcester home where a family was watching TV. Personally, I think Ant is taking the interactive element of Saturday Night Takeaway a bit too far. Robert Beattie said it was ‘a miracle’ that he and his family were still alive but added that it would make the most thrilling episode of Gogglebox ever produced. The family’s estate agent described the incident as ‘really opening the living space up’ and increased his commission. Following the incident, a 26-year-old man was arrested on suspicion of causing injury by dangerous driving. Presumably, the only ‘suspicion’ element being in the question of whether you can still call it driving when you’re skidding across a velour carpet.
Truth or shares
In business news, Facebook shares are rapidly falling. A phrase I was disappointed to discover did not refer to my aunt’s distribution of minion memes. This comes after people were, for some reason, shocked that a website into which you enter personal details, was storing their personal details. What next? Soon you’ll be telling me there aren’t really hot singles in my area. Similarly, Snapchat are ironically part of the ‘story’ as their shares are dropping too. This is bad news for anyone who enjoys apathetically skipping through the recordings of deafening nights out by someone you haven’t spoken to since year 10.
Sensortive subject
The firm that designed the sensor technology for the Uber self-driving car that killed a woman said the incident ‘baffled’ them. You could say they didn’t see it coming. Velodyne say their sensors are capable of seeing in the dark. Which sounds like an impressive achievement until you remember a human driver can do the same with a robust diet of carrots. They, instead, blame Uber’s onboard computer for the tragedy, ironically throwing them under the bus. Uber responded by rating the Velodyne system 3 stars commenting ‘unsafe passenger’.
Shelf improvement
DIY SOS are going to rebuild a gym for the Grenfell community. This is because Nick Knowles apparently misunderstood the residents standing up to resistance. They meant the Tories, Nick. Not #gains. The facility is a boxing gym and methinks that the makeover will include some novelty punching bags. Sticking a Boris wig on one might do the trick. Jacob Rees-Mogg has apparently been contacted about contributing to the gym. They’re hoping to use him as a skipping rope.
For last week’s round-up, using your brain’s connection to your motor neurones and, subsequently, your muscles, click here.