How to: Be Yourself
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For anyone, but especially younger people, the advice “Be yourself” can be totally worthless when you don’t really know who you are. For kids starting Year Seven, the first piece of advice people usually have is “Just be yourself!” but for varying reasons, whether it be the stamping out of individuality by the education system or a lack of life experience, many of these kids have no concept of themselves. Until you manage to find yourself – a process that can often take a lifetime – it can be hard to know what to do to ensure you don’t give off an impression that you’ll regret later. Here is our breakdown of the seldom useful advice and a list of step by step instructions on how to be yourself.
1- Do and say things that feel natural to you. If using certain words or phrases feels odd, stick to what you know and feel comfortable with.
2- Don’t pretend you (dis)like something because everyone else does. You don’t want to tell everyone you hate Justin Bieber and then have someone find out that your room is plastered in posters of him. Similarly, it’s better to admit that you’ve never heard of something than to be caught out in an embarrassing situation later. Be honest with people; they will respect you for it.
3- Be loyal. You’ll have friends who drag your social status down because everyone else might think they’re weird but popularity doesn’t last very long and friendship can last forever.
4- Understand what makes you different and make it your “thing”. You’ve probably seen university students walking around in ridiculous outfits or you may have older siblings who invite friends over to read poetry together. They were probably once ridiculed in secondary school or even too scared to admit that they liked something but by being themselves, people eventually accept them.
5- Don’t spend time with people who make you feel like you should alter yourself. Some people are toxic and can try to drag you down to make themselves feel a little better. Don’t let anyone make you feel so small that you go home and throw all of your favourite T shirts in the bin because some insecure people told you they were childish.
6- Don’t be a bigot. If you have a different hobby to other people, don’t make them feel as though they’re being stupid for liking their thing and don’t criticise it constantly. Likewise, if there’s someone you don’t like, don’t try and deter others in your group from having a friendship with them (unless you have a really good reason to dislike this person).
7- Be realistic. In Year 7, being obsessed with Pokemon probably made you the target of ridicule but now, people are playing Pokemon Go and acting like they’ve always been superfans. Society’s tastes change all the time – things become cool then uncool again in such short time periods that it’s hard to follow. If you stay true to what you like, it will pay off in the future.
8- Say “No” more often. They might not like to admit it at first, but people admire it when you can say no to something. If you don’t want to go to the reading club with your friends, you can easily express how you feel without being offensive by saying something like “No thanks, I don’t like reading. Tell me how it was later”. Particularly when there are others in the group who might not want to go either, you will now have become a leader and opened the door for other people who felt pressured into going.
9- Don’t be scared to walk away. Peer pressure can be intense but if you set your boundaries early, there shouldn’t be a problem and if there is a problem, please find some new friends.
10- Have a #sorrynotsorry attitude. You don’t owe anybody an explanation for anything you do. If you don’t like the idea of drinking alcohol, for example, you don’t need to produce a long, tiresome explanation about the long term health implications, you can just say it doesn’t appeal to you then end the discussion.
The sad news is, it is impossible to be truly oneself in a secondary school or even in your adult life. If you’re a 6-year-old male and you like to play with dolls, your family might not accept that. If you’re 13 years old and you bring skipping ropes onto the school yard to keep fit, that won’t be allowed either and the other kids will make sure to inform you. If you’re 16 years old and you like dyeing your hair vibrant colours, the school will not allow you to return until it is dyed a “socially acceptable colour”, as if people will automatically label you an ASBO if you have slightly purple hair. Even if you’re an adult who doesn’t like to drink alcohol, you may find yourself not being invited to any social events by the rest of your office. However, there’s still a lot you can do so that you’re not living life with a mask on. Preserve the small amount individuality that society allows you to have because it is precious and it makes you who you are.