Rant On: Hipsters

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31 October 2013

By NEBeep

The Art of Disgracing the Human Race – All through the ages, human beings have had their own ways of expressing originality: the hippies in the 60s, the punk’s in the 70s, the electro geeks in the 80s and even the gangsters in the 90s. However Darwin’s Theory of Evolution has definitely taken a turn for the worse, for here come the hipsters. Unique, individual and artistic is what hipsters believe they are. No. More like attention seeking, peculiar, parasites. They are most commonly found in independent CD stores, skate-parks and you tube comments. Approach with caution.

Accessories owned by the hipster are truly inexplicable. First come the glasses… with no lenses. You know the 3D glasses you receive in the cinema? Just pop the lenses out and you have yourself an authentic pair of hipster glasses. Contacts were invented so no one had to wear glasses. Glasses are completely unfashionable! So why would someone with 20/20 vision wear glasses? Logic please! Since when was having a vision impairment ‘cool’? Next, the hipsters will be walking around with hearing aids, trying to look hip, because hearing disabilities will be the new trend! Hipsters are blindly pretending to be blind, to show their ingenuity. Oh wait, they don’t have any of that.

Even worse than their accessories, is their plagued language. Overused, over rated and under hated, ‘swag’ is a term used by hipsters across the globe. You frequently see the hipster post status’ on Facebook and twitter saying senseless things like ‘I don’t need school, I have swag’. Since ‘swag’ is not a physical object, I very much doubt that anyone can survive without an education. Children in Africa are desperate to go to school, and would do anything to get an education, yet these imprudent hipsters take their whole lives for granted. Once an inspirational phrase, now cursed by the tongues of the devil teens, ‘You Only Live Once’ is the uttermost popular expression used by the hipster. However they have changed it to ‘YOLO’. This phrase once suggested that since ‘you only live once’, you should do something remarkable before you die, however the hipsters use the term ‘YOLO’ as an excuse to get drunk, get pregnant, get high and therefore head to unemployment.

Overall, the life of the hipster is completely pointless. You only live once? Don’t waste your life being a nobody; don’t waste your life being a hipster.



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