Over the years, there have been a number of games I have reported on.

From my very first review, to the more recent gripes I’ve had with the likes of No Man’s Sky and Call of Duty, we’ve seen all sorts covered on this site of ours. But there are the games I never talk about. The kind of games you’re so damn excited to play but you dare not tell a soul you play them for fear of judgement. So, we delve into my past, from edgy-lord Khalil to the current tightwad who stands (metaphorically) before you today. Here we go.

Whoa, Symbiote Spider-Man was 5edgy3me.

Whoa, Symbiote Spider-Man was 5edgy3me.

Spider-Man 3 – Ah yes, the movie was god awful and so was this waste of shelf space. Spider-Man 3 for the Xbox 360 was the coolest, most annoying and least immersive game I have ever had the joy of playing. You play (obviously) as Peter Parker, filling in the blanks of the movie, fighting the gangs of New York, all of which are stereotypical and weird. You have the H-Bombers, the Apocalypse Gang, Arsenic Candy and the Dragon Tail gang. Do with those names what you will. You then fight a number of B-rate villains, like Rhino, Lizard, Shocker, and a few others. The gameplay was okay, and the web-slinging mechanic was made redundant when you realise the fastest way to travel is literally mashing the swing button. One down, three to go.

That face was the collection emotion of every fan of the first game when they played this.

That face was the collective emotion of every fan of the first game when they played this.

Star Wars: The Force Unleashed 2 – Man this thing b**ped a lot of people off. When it was revealed, many were hungry for more after the first game, which gave us more of a feeling of being a force user than ever before. It was sleek and weighty, and you pulled a giant starship from the sky. But then the second one came out and um… well those cries of praise became angry. The game retconned the ending of the first game, by bringing the main character back to life through cloning. And from there it was a downhill spiral into an awful plot, terrible script-writing, and some rather convoluted boss fights.

brutal_legend07

For the solid month I played it, it was pretty good. Metal-head 14-year-old Alex never truly left…*Black Sabbath playing in the background*

Brutal Legend – The first time I played this thing I was totally spellbound by the amalgamation of everything I thought was cool at that point. Heavy metal, girls, and face melting guitar solos. It was actually a pretty good game. Mechanically it was really fun to play all the different guitar riffs, along with the weird almost tower-defence battles. It was a mess of goth tropes and Jack Black being Jack Black through voice acting. We never speak of that Alex though. Goodness no.

You can play as a T-Rex with mounted cannons on it. I'm in.

You can play as a T-Rex with mounted cannons on it. I’m in.

Dino-D-Day – This is my most recent purchase, and suffice to say…it’s the most gawfood (good/awful) game I have played this year. The game is a multiplayer shooter, set in the grips of WW2 with a rather significant twist. There are b**ping dinosaurs. Yup. In an alternate dimension the Nazis have managed to bring back dinosaurs, and have fitted them with a number of weapons, from the tiny raptor, to the gargantuan T-Rex. It’s embarrassingly entertaining.

So there you have it.

A comprehensive list of some of the awful titles I loved back in the day.

You may judge me, and you may be correct in those judgements. Oh, you thought I was going somewhere with that sentence?

Nah.