The Flu Guru

5 February 2018

By Alex Khalil

You know what’s awful? Flu. You know what’s even worse? Not knowing how to cope with it when it inevitably creeps up on you.

Basically, I have flu and I’m incredibly salty about it so we’re going to be having a look at some of the things you should (or shouldn’t) be doing when you have flu. Or as the recently closed r/incels would call it, ‘Man Flu’.

Watch your mouth…

The most annoying thing about being ill and having a sore throat etc is that you can’t eat any solid foods. Now, as you may know, I’m fond of food. I particularly like burritos (#plug). But with a sore throat, swallowing is difficult at the best of times, never mind a stuffed spicy burrito. Also, spicy foods are a no go. Due to their inflammatory nature, spices can irritate your throat. Soup and warm drinks should be the way forward. Lemsip or honey should be your go to.

It’s a shame I’m the only person on Earth who doesn’t like honey. Or lemon.

Shame it tastes like bee behind.

Feed a cold, starve a flu…

We all know the phrase. Well, having any kind of cold-like illness is bound to affect your eating habits. I for one have had one bowl of cornflakes and some soup in the past three days. That sounds atrocious I know. However, you’re far more likely to gain more by staying hydrated. Plus, the whole soft foods thing? What’s a bowl of soup compared to a burger? Or a nice big burri- sorry, sorry.

Be sure to stock up on chicken soup and orange juice!

Brb, crying.

Personal hygiene goes a long way…

This may be more mental than physical, but staying clean keeps you from going mad I find. There’s nothing worse than having back pains, a sore throat, headaches, weird dreams and anxiety and smelling. It’s a no-brainer really. I would highly recommend muscle relaxant to keep your body soothed. But most of all, remember these two and 2/3 words.

You’re ill, you’re allowed to laze about and bathe three times a day.

And that’s about it. Try to stay indoors as to not spread the plague to others. And if there’s no Charts and That next week, I have perished.


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