The Salt is Real – Transformers.
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Transformers has recently been announced to have another four films on the way, with the newest coming in 2017. Hasbro has confirmed there will be ‘more robot action in the works’, for the next few years, so everyone brace yourselves. It’s about to get really, really awful.
To start with, let’s try to look at this positively. They are indeed a spectacle to look at. While the guy knows absolutely NOTHING about how to write a decent script or how to tell a story, Michael Bay knows visual affects… Right, now that’s out the way, let’s beat this thing with a stick.
That’s all the TF movies are. Just blind white noise and robots smashing into each other. Now there’s guaranteed stigma from fanboys out there who similarly get butterflies in their stomach when they hear the words ‘IMAX’ and ‘In 3D’ but these are probably also the people who thought the plot line for Dark of the Moon made any sense whatsoever. Lets summarise what happens in every movie shall we?
1.Introduce awkward family member or tough learning father, with an attractive lady as eye candy until the robots turn up.
2. Spout utter nonsense about something to do with a spiritual connection with cars.
3. Introduce the auto-bots in a fight scene that lasts forever.
4. Some kind of betrayal.
5. End-of-film fight scene with more dangling loose ends than a missing shoelace box.
It happens every time. ‘Dark of the Moon”s plot twist was simply ‘our leader turned out to be a massive (word I can’t use), oh nooooo, sad face’. ‘Revenge of the Fallen”s plot twist was ‘oh no, Optimus died…oh hang on, no he didn’t, thanks to awful scripting and the power of a three-hour run time’. ‘Age of Extinction’ was rife with plot holes and just general awfulness. There is no method to the madness, just blind firing shots (HA shots, media pun) of slow-motion fight scenes, and Mark Wahlberg looking serious. Plus, in AOE, the ‘bad guys’ don’t even need to transform. They just change on a molecular level. So why bother transforming at all? Just rip into the Auto-bots by passing through them and messing with them on a molecular level. Tip: if you make your bad guys too overpowered, then have to spend the entire movie making them look like they can be beaten, they’re going to look stupid.
It’s embarrassing to film in general. These movies and this franchise has made literally billions of dollars on what may as well be a child’s interpretation of what happens when they play with toys.
Michael Bay made a great rendition of what fans wanted in 2007, when the first of the films was released. But that’s all it should have been. A quick fling, a chance to let go of all the things that make a good film and leave our brains outside. But no. It’s turned into a committed relationship in which they constantly try to impress you with the same thing, and it’s become tiresome.
Transformers…I want a divorce.
For more on this, check out these guys, for similar thoughts and feelings. (Explicit content though, be warned.)