Love Island 2019 is well underway and, as usual, has captured the attention of millions of viewers for a whole summer. With dramatic fall-outs, re-couplings and U-turns at every corner of the ITV2 TV show, we thought it was time to go through the Love Island 2019 story so far and give it the good old b**p treatment.

Who can be trusted

After last year’s contestant Georgia Steel banged on so much about being loyal it genuinely triggers us to the core, starting off with who can be trusted in the villa this year is a good thing to do.

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If you’d asked us who can be trusted just a couple of weeks ago, professional ballroom dancer Curtis Pritchard would have definitely been on the list. Now, he’s not even close and we’ve scratched his eyes out of all the Love Island photos too.

So, in terms of who really is loyal babes…we’ve got: Tommy Fury and Molly-Mae (more to be said on those two later). Generally, these two haven’t got a bad word to say about anybody. They’re stable, wholesome and drama-free. Tommy makes all the right calls when it comes to loyalty, and you just know Molly wouldn’t do you dirty.

Amber and Ovie are also two gems in there who can be trusted. Amber’s the ultimate girl’s girl for sure and would defend her friends to the death, just as she showed with Anna, Molly-Mae and Amy. And as for Ovie – he’s just a dream. Goes on a friend date with broken-hearted Amber and consols her after Michael did her dirty? A trustworthy king.

Who we wouldn’t let look after our pet goldfish

Maura Higgins. Quite frankly, Maura is one of the snakiest contestants in the villa this year and if you died and widowed a good-looking man, she wouldn’t even let your side of the bed get cold before she jumped in.

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As Amy Hart said last night (before she left the show… bye girl, you tried your best but it wasn’t your fault), “girl’s girl of the year 2019 Maura Higgins” is basically a massive snake, making a move on Curtis so quickly and obviously after he broke Amy’s Hart. It’s a no from us.

And, surprisingly, we’ve got Curtis to add to the list of untrustworthies. Curtis sweetened Amy up like something else, telling her how perfect their relationship was, only to attempt to jump ship before being put back in his dinghy. Totally not to be trusted, so maybe him and Maura are well-suited to each other after all.

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Oh, and to make this a perfect trio, we’ll add surfer Lucie into this mix. Her actions re Tommy and Molly explain quite perfectly why she doesn’t have any girl friends… she fancies their boyfriends and repeatedly makes advances towards them. Lucie would snake Molly in an instant if Tommy’s attitude changed, and she wouldn’t even have the brains about her to let Molly know. And what a surprise: she’s Maura’s best friend in the villa.

The true villain of the villa

Firefighter Michael is evil. There. We said it. In Casa Amore, he found a connection with someone other than Amber… or did he? He originally began with his fears that Amber was cracking on with someone else, then suddenly forced something with an irrelevant whose name we can’t even remember.

Then, when he got back to the villa, his fragile masculinity got even more fragile and he started berating Amber for no reason. And now he’s lying to everyone about what he said about his feelings for his new girl. Cruel.

Who’s going to win

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It’s obvious who’s winning Love Island this year. Tommy and Molly – the cutest couple I’ve ever seen in the villa. It’s clear he’s fallen for her and vice versa, so they’re definitely going to win.

Had Anna been as loyal to her men as she had been to her friends, she definitely would have stood a chance with Ovie to come as a close runner-up. As for Anton and Belle, they’re so irrelevant it’s unreal. Hopefully Amber can find love again, and hopefully Ovie continues to chill in there forever like the God he is.