A week in mild amusement

This week, notorious bad bloke and Saddam Hussein lookalike Mel Gibson weighed in on the Weinstein scandal that’s shaking Hollywood to its Zionistically infested core (at least, I assume that’s what he said). He reckons that the horrendous revelations are ultimately good for Hollywood and healthy for the industry’s future. While appreciating Mel needs a moral JCB to dig himself out the hole he’s festered in for a decade, perhaps ‘healthy’ isn’t the best vocab he could have used. Perhaps he’s not been to the doctors recently but my GP generally goes with a flu jab rather than molestation to raise me to full health.

In science, it’s been claimed that house flies may be more germ-laden than suspected. Scary news, so I guess we should all stop eating them and rubbing them into our open wounds now that we know it’s apparently unhygienic.

Fatty acids evaporating from deep-fat fryers may help form clouds cooling the climate. Concisely: eat more chips to save the world. As irresponsible as it may seem, the next pregnant woman you see savagely folding battered sausage into her face is simply trying to create a better world for her child.

Jeremy Corbyn revealed that he was never supposed to be named Jeremy before his father changed it last minute during registration. Daddy-Corbyn deserves thanks as, without a five-syllable name that fits easily into the one football chant universally known among Glastonbury students off their heads on DMT, his support base may never have grown as large as it did.

Permanent Pob cosplayer, Michael Gove attacked social media for the way it distorts and corrupts representation of political congress. Perhaps he’s right and his unsettlingly smug appearance and demeanour are simply the results of a permanent snapchat filter placed by Zuckerberg to distort an otherwise palatable face into that of a toad that’s swallowed a slightly larger toad. He claims the recent animal sentience controversy was twisted out of proportion by blinkered tweeters and malevolent memes. You would think someone who spends work-days with Theresa Maybot would have a more nuanced view of sentience what with the constant exposure to such advanced AI technology.