Pokémon Lament

I am no doubt not the only person to have noticed the massive surge of people playing Pokémon Go, nor the only person to have been annoyed by it. It has not been long since the app was released, but it has felt like a lifetime. Everywhere I turn, people are searching for Pokémons (I heard someone say the actual sentence, “aw yes, I just found a Squirtle!”). They’re in the streets, in our homes, in our schools and places of work. Not to mention the internet. Tumblr, Twitter, Facebook and Instagram have all been swamped with Pokémon-related content. It’s killing me.

I do not wish to attack Pokémon players (players? People?), but it really is getting out of hand. I may sound bitter but I feel Pokémon has had its time, and it should therefore return to the hell pit whence it came. No, I have not played it, but I don’t need to; it’s like one of those songs that you know all the words to even though you’ve never heard it because your friend keeps singing it. And I resent that people are going on about it getting people outdoors and socialising. Yes you’re outdoors, but for all the wrong reasons – it’s like a serial killer going out to hunt for a victim and saying, “Well yes I’m hunting for a victim, but at least I’m socialising :))”.

Okay, I am aware of the hyperbole, and I have no doubt that some people have felt some benefits from having a digital aid when functioning within society, and it’s helped them get outdoors so I don’t want to discredit that entirely. But the rest of you can do one, because the truth is no one cares about Squirtles or that weird yellow rabbit everyone loves and I can’t for the life of me remember the name of. But I would also like to suggest an alternative to Pokémon Go, called Geocashing. Geocashing is a lot like Pokémon Go, except with actual items to be found, It’s like this huge treasure hunt millions of people are involved in, and they can be found everywhere. Once my family and I were geocashing and we met another family looking for the same geocash; they turned out to be very nice people and we enjoyed talking to them. Which proves Pokémon Go is not the only means to socialising and getting outdoors.

At the end of the day, no matter how cynical and twisted I may seem, it is still a fact that too many people have become obsessed with the most banal and repetitive app I have possibly ever heard of. It’s like this ubiquitous presence that has begun slowly taking over our society, to turn us into bumbling Pokémon drones, aimlessly wandering in the hopes of finding a Butterfree. Perhaps it is a scheme devised by the government in order to distract us from the crumbling of western civilisation, but whatever its purpose, please please please TAKE IT OFF MY DASH!