A week in mild amusement

Mail Aggression

So some lunatic’s been sending pipe bombs through the US post. Cesar Sayoc is accused of mailing explosives to prominent Democrats and Trump critics. Honestly, I’m quite offended I didn’t get one. But then, I have switched address quite a lot recently. If there’s a smoking crater in Sandyford in the near future, I’ll hold up my hands. Former President Barack Obama described the feeling of having a lethal explosive passively sent to him as “shocking, usually, that’s my job”. One of Sayoc’s alleged intended victims was actor Robert de Niro. A decision that, as a man who’s sat through Dirty Grandpa, I can empathise with.

Donald himself has washed his hands of the matter, a process that can’t have taken long. To be balanced though, it’s hardly fair to judge Trump and his supporters by the actions of Sayoc. After all, I’m sure they would never use the actions of a small minority to tar perception of larger groups.

Green crossed code

Sir Phillip Green has denied allegations of racial and sexual harassment by saying there had only “been some banter”, a phrase that delights me because I get to remind everyone of this pitiful deflection from 2014.

It’s a terrible shame that the word ‘banter’, once reserved for charming slogans on the TV channel Dave, is now the refuge of cowardly cockroaches wriggling under it when a light is shone on their actions. There have been calls to strip the high street retail mogul of his knighthood. I’m all for removing knighthoods because there are some prime candidates I wish to nominate. Chief among which is Sir Nick Clegg who somehow sneakily got himself one at some point. In fact, I wish they’d promised that he would definitely get one and then when he got to the palace, told him they’d compromised and not got him one.

Change is coming

A special 50p coin will be made to commemorate Brexit. It’s going to be called a 10p coin. The new coins will feature the Queen’s head on one side. Only in this one, she’ll be giving the finger to Jean-Claude Juncker. On the other side, a message will read ‘Friendship with all nations’. The edges will presumably be used to list the asterisks that disqualify 26 nations from that phrase. The Brexit coin will be unique in that, after flipping it will always land the opposite way to what you wanted. I for one, am hoping that the Brexit coins will have a similar function to the One ring in The Lord of the Rings. Anyone carrying one in their wallet will become agitated by kebab shops and develop urges to hurl acid at people in hijabs. And then when you throw one into a volcano, Nigel Farage explodes.

For similar ramblings on politics with the odd lunatic thrown in, you can browse A week in mild amusement at this link. Binge it like Netflix. Only free, more tangential and your family will never ask to share it.