Witty Wednesday

12 November 2014

By Yasmine

It’s that time of year again when DFS are demanding you buy a sofa now in time for Christmas (because let’s face it, we all have £1,000 stashed away for an ill looking sofa) and John Lewis has melted our hearts with Monty the penguin, getting everyone hyped up for Christmas. But it’s hard to get excited when we have these catastrophes ahead of us:

Religious Fanatics:


“We take this day to celebrate the birth of Jesus and all his worth” blah blah blah love, where’s the non-alcoholic mulled wine at?



Just to buy a Frozen Elsa doll, you have waited 37.32 seconds to be served by the not-so-cheerful cashier in a flashing Santa hat (how ironic). Two complaints and five pound short of change later, you have finally left the shop with a little less of a smile on your face (this will happen in every shop you go in to for the next month).

The Economy:

cancelled christmas

It’s that awesome time of year when good Christmas presents cost a tonne and you’re completely broke. You’re going to have to wrap the sweater which your Nan knitted you last year and give it to your Mum for Christmas. Happy days.

And last but certainly not least,

Mariah Carey:

mariah carey

No matter what radio station or what music channel you have on, you are guaranteed that every two minutes, Mariah will be screaming at you because you are all she wants for Christmas (well so she says) and to make matters worse… she did a remake of the song with none other than Justin Bieber; it’s like she wanted to kill us!

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