7 Things We Hate About Christmas

With Christmas so near, it would be impossible to forget the things we love: gingerbread, the lights going on in Newcastle, excitable children and parents pressing their faces against the glass at Fenwick’s. But it wouldn’t be an article by yours truly if we focused on all that, would it?

Christmas is full of things to loathe with a fiery passion. Here are a few Christmas peeves that are sure to get your tinsel in a twist.

1. Stress – There is nothing worse than being orbited by stressed-out Nan as she tries to get all the food out at once, and your dear parents losing their minds because one of them gets a joke in the cracker and the other refuses to believe it’s funny, along with all the family you only ever see once a year. Not that it’s not amazing to see people. It’s just it would be better if you saw them in a considerably less drawn-out way.

2. Queuing – Does this even need an explanation? Like really? Queues suck. And there’s always a lady with a million vouchers so she can get her kids Debenhams own-brand toys for half the price. It’s a wonderful time of year, in which we spend 99% of it in a long line of people.

3. Christmas Ads – EVERY YEAR THEY GET EARLIER. It is infuriating. The worst one of all has to be either the Iceland ads or the Toys’r’Us ads. Iceland because you look at how happy everyone is in the ad, because they have Iceland food. No, if you have to buy Iceland food for a party, maybe you should look at whether you can afford a party, plus Peter Andre makes you want to shove frozen prawns into your eyes. Toys’r’Us has a mental connection with every child ever. As soon as they see it, they’re buzzing their little minds out, looking at overpriced pieces of plastic.

4. Lights – Each year, it seems as though more and more people fall into the trap of turning their houses into an open target if another world war were to break out that year. Lights! Everywhere! On windows, on walls, on the roof in the halls! All manner of illuminations, an electrical way of saying ‘our lights are better than yours, best salutations!’… Plus, having to untangle the confounded things. Speaking of which, in a Tesco in Wales, they are actually hiring someone to untangle wires. You have to be ‘genuinely passionate about Christmas’. To untangle lights?! MADNESS.

5. Christmas movie reruns – They. Are. Everywhere. Every other channel has some kind of Christmas vibe to it. And the majority of the time it’s awful. Christmas with the Kranks? Jingle All the Way, with Arnie? I’d rather eat a Christmas tree sideways. WITH ornaments.

6. (This may be slightly on the nose but to heck with it). The whole idea that Christmas is to do with religion nowadays is astounding. Everyone is obsessed with the next big thing they’re getting on the 25th of December, and it’s become more a season of getting, rather than giving. Even with the repetitive nativity plays in every school, it’s become more of a social excuse for getting a bunch of stuff, 90% of which you won’t use, or will return. *Holds up hands in a non aggressive stance* Just saying, there is a large gap today between what would be called actual religious beliefs and an excuse to buy your son an iPhone 6, then have him scream and cry that it wasn’t the one he wanted. Which can lead to our next item…

7. Ungrateful gift getters. Yes, getters is a word. When kids – or young adults, in particular – get a gift that an older generation has given them and they blatantly refuse to accept it because it’s not what they wanted. Refer to the picture below for my feelings on this. If you can’t appreciate the thought and time someone put into a present, and the actual MONEY they spent on you, you aren’t worth that time and effort.

And there we have it: 7 very good reasons as to why you should dread Christmas, and loathe the people who take part in it. Hang on… this all sounds strangely familiar…