The Most Jobsworth-y Jobs
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Defined by the dictionary as ‘an official who upholds petty rules even at the expense of humanity or common sense’, everyone has had the misfortune of encountering a jobsworth. You may work with one or you may have had a bad run-in with one while trying to go about your daily life. Certain professions attract more jobsworths than others. That said, here are the biggest jobsworth professions:
Bouncers
Some bouncers act as if they are guarding the gates to Heaven rather than a sticky-floored nightclub. If you have the wrong type of T-shirt on or in some cases if you’re not white, bouncers have no problem making up some silly rule as to why you can’t enter their precious door.
“Sorry mate, your passport has a slight crease on the 10th page and it expires in 4 years so you’re not coming in”
Bus drivers
Just like bouncers, bus drivers can be very picky about who can enter their sacred bus. They also expect everyone to know absolutely everything about the bus route, prices and timetable. Have a legitimate question about your upcoming bus journey? The bus driver will not hesitate to give you a sarcastic response to ridicule you for not being a bus expert.
“Your bus pass is only valid after 10 am and it’s 10.01am and that’s not long enough after 10, I’m afraid. I don’t make the rules”
Parking attendants
This is a fairly obvious but undeniable one. Fair enough sticking people on that park dangerously or block access for wheelchair users but parking attendants love finding a minor reason to fine someone. One minute late getting back to your car because the till in the shop was broke? Not bothered, you’re still getting a ticket.
“Yeah I realise you have bought a ticket but I’ve already written out the fine. What? Yeah, I could just erase it but I don’t want to.”
Facebook page admins
Seeing as they don’t receive even payments for their services on their Facebook page, these guys are possibly the oddest jobsworths. If you violate their list of made-up rules (usually posted in capital letters in the description) then you’ll immediately be booted off the page.
“That’s it- you’ve been warned about using swear words like ‘crap’ and ‘bum’- You’re blocked!”
P.E. teachers
We all make fun of school kids who take sport way too seriously but they’re always encouraged by their P.E. teachers who think their Year 10 5-a-side football team is training for the World Cup. That’s not to mention how livid your P.E. teacher gets when you wear the wrong colour bobble or haven’t sewn your name into your sock. Worse still, they simply cannot grasp how not everybody wants to run around a track on a rainy Tuesday at 9.30am or volunteer for cross country.
“That’s a non-regulation shoelace. Stay behind after class.”
Jobs centre workers
If you’ve seen I, Daniel Blake you’ll already know that those class traitors who sanction innocent people for being 2 minutes late for their appointments are the Monarchy of Jobsworthiness. Disabled and unable to work? Tough. Jobcentre workers will deem somebody with a chronic and incurable illness fit-to-work if it means they get a nice juicy bonus.
“No arms or legs? Right, I’ll sign you up for this bricklaying course and stop your benefits if you if you don’t attend.”